A Post for the Haters

Today I have had a very quiet day. I just had no energy and was totally drained – for obvious reasons. But yesterday was an extra tough day for me, and I’d like to tell you all why.

Yesterday afternoon I received a telephone call from a girl who was also a victim of Brett’s. This girl had been speaking to him for, what I understand, was at least a few months while we were together. To make matters worse, I know that he had slept with her. I do not blame her in any way, shape or form for this. It is not remotely her fault – it is 100% his fault. She was not to know that he had a girlfriend, and if she did then I’m sure he would have lied his way around it. The day after I kicked Brett out I was racking my brains for people and businesses who he may have been in contact with so I could warn them about who and what he really was. I remembered that I had seen him messaging her once – at the time I asked him why he was messaging her he had a valid reason – so I left it at that. I thought I should still give her a call anyway and warn her about him – at that time I had no idea that he had been cheating on me with her. In any event, I called her and warned her and, for want of a better word, was able to save her from him.

Yesterday when she called me I felt as though I was a kindergarten child being chastised by my teacher. She told me that she did not want her name or business mentioned on my page. I told her that that was not a problem at all, that I haven’t done that and would never do that, that any stories I have posted have been directly sent to me and are anonymous. She then told me that I had better be careful to make sure that what I am doing doesn’t jeopardize any police investigation. She treated me like I was some kind of idiot! I was a bit taken aback by this telephone call and didn’t really talk – just listened.

It took a few minutes for what she had said and how she had said it to sink in – and then I grew upset and angry. So I messaged her and made a few things very clear. Firstly, I have never mentioned nor would ever mention any names or businesses in any of my posts. All the stories in my posts have been anonymous, unless posted directly by others or items of public record like newspaper articles or television reports. All the stories I have posted have been sent to me by message – I have not just pulled them from nowhere. Secondly, I have never nor would ever jeopardize any police investigation. In fact, I am working with people to ensure this. As if I would ever do anything to jeopardize any police investigation – I want this guy to go to jail as much as anyone, and to insinuate that I would do something to jeopardize that is just insulting! Thirdly, and most importantly, I told her this – I do not require her permission nor approval to do what I am doing. I am standing up, putting my face out there, telling my story – I order to stop Brett Joseph from continuing the way he has for the past 10+ years. I told her that I don’t really care if she thinks it is the correct course of action for me to be taking, or if she would do the same or not. That decision is up to me, not her or anyone else, and if I decide that this is the right way for me to deal with what has happened to me then that has nothing to do with her – or anyone else!

I was a bit down, so I decided to go and visit my Aunty Gail, who is so vibrant and fun and always makes me feel happy. I was sitting having a wine with her and starting to feel a bit better when my phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number, and I’m a little bit wary of strange calls (for obvious reasons) so I let it go to message bank. Within about a minute the same number called again, so I answered. There was a man on the other end of the call who was, quite frankly, rude. He said that his wife had seen an article on my page that someone (not even me) had found online and posted as a result of searching one of Brett’s business names. He said that he understood that I had emailed his wife to ask her if she would consider talking to me about her experience with Brett, but I didn’t hear from her so I assumed she didn’t want to – which was totally fine. He said that his wife was very upset and requested I remove the post immediately. I told him that the article was actually online and could be found by anyone and that I actually hadn’t even posted it. He told me that if it wasn’t for me and my page that nobody would have ever looked for or found the article. The strangest thing is this – all the article said was that a couple of people bought an expensive cow. And it was from some 8 years ago! It was posted, I believe, as a warning to others that Brett had previously purchased expensive livestock and may try to do so again in the future. In any event, I told him that I would remove it, because I didn’t want anyone to be upset. He proceeded to continue to reprimand me – telling me that my page had distressed his wife and that that would not have happened if it wasn’t for me and my page. He was extremely rude and quite forceful. I became quite upset and reminded him that I too was a victim here and did not appreciate being spoken to the way he was speaking to me. In the end I told him that I would remove the post and I hung up. I removed the post and sent him a message to confirm. I told him that he was sorry that his wife was upset but reminded him that I too was a victim and that the way he had spoken to me was totally inappropriate. I then listened to the message he had left for me when I didn’t answer his first call – which was nothing but downright rude. It went a bit like this: “This is ****. My wife has seen a post on your page and is extremely upset. Please call me back immediately. And when I say immediately I mean like right now.” His requests for me to return his call immediately and then explaining what he meant by immediately must have gone on for at least a minute. He wasn’t even remotely polite. He was downright rude!

The most ironic thing is this – if his wife had picked up the phone and called me, explained that she had seen a post that upset her and asked me to take it down I would have done it without question and there would be absolutely no issue. I never want to upset anyone in this – that it not my goal – my goal is wholly and solely to stop Brett Joseph from hurting anyone else the way he has hurt me. I also understand that not everybody wants to tell their story or speak out the way that I am. But getting your husband to call me and allowing him to abuse and chastise me in the fashion that he did – not the way to go about it. You of all people should know how I am feeling right now and what I am going through. You of all people should not be getting your husband to call me and behave like a rude prick.

So, given those incidents, this is what I decided yesterday. I decided that I do not require the approval of anybody to do what I am doing here. I do not care if people think that what I am doing here is the right thing or the wrong thing. I do not care if others would do the same thing as me in this situation or not. I do not judge any person before me who has been in a similar situation as me and who has not chosen the same path as me. But what it comes down to is this – this is the way I choose to deal with that has happened to me. This is the way I choose to heal and to move forward. I choose to try to protect others. I choose to try to stop Brett Joseph from doing to others what he has done to me. I choose to stand up and not let him get away with what he has done. I choose to accept the love, support and help of those who wish to give it to me. I choose to ignore those who try to tell me that I am doing the wrong thing , who try to make me feel as though I am the culprit here and not the victim and who try to silence me. And I know that these choices will help me to become a stronger and better person – because I refuse to let Brett Joseph (or anyone else for that matter) scar me or change me in any way, unless that change is for the better!


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